Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize
