i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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