I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Everyone says I win the strip club
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
