The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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