whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
