I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
