If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
