Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
