so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
