I'm really into asian looking animals
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
