How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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