I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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