I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
