How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
