I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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