Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
