last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
