Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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