apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
