Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
