The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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