In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
