if you like me you must not know who I am
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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