yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
