You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
