it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You are a genius and a whore.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
