I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
