Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms

Fav 30 815 7629
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(706): View more from Georgia

Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.

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(571): View more from Virginia

I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed

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(919): View more from North Carolina

We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.

Fav 31 6132 1902
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(952): View more from Minnesota

Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night

Fav 1 2234 1270
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.

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(682): View more from Texas

You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...

Fav 0 763 487
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(507): View more from Minnesota

I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit

Fav 1 48 16
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