i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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