cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
