I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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