...so i touched it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
