the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
