May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
