No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
