I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
