My room smells like vodka and shame
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
