you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
