apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
