I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
