This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
