You're completely useless in the revolution.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
