Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
