i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
