idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
