Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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