just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
