Hey man sorry I got all grabby
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
This house was built for laser tag.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
