you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
