Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
