While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
