I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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