I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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