turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
