Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
