even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
