Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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